Motivation: Lots of people could probably use a knee brace.
Ad: Open on a ten-year-old kid playing basketball on hardtop. He runs past a defender and makes what should be an easy layup, but stopping short, grabbing his knee and falling over. The camera first focussing on his tears of pain, then panning to his clutched knee. The music of Satie begins as we fade to 25 years later, the child, now man, put on his knee brace and drains a bottle of powerade. He explodes into action on the court, literally playing ten to twenty minutes of intense, non-stop, YMCA league-quality basketball. Suddenly, the past is repeating itself: he has the ball, and the same defender he beat as a child stands in front of him. He manages the same break, but the defender isn't even worried, smirking at our hero's knee as steps into the same easy layup. But this time the knee holds -- with a defeaning heartbeat sound in the background, he conquers his fears (and "gears") and manages to score. Everyone on his team is cheering as the egg time rings announcing the end of the game. Back at the bench he drinks a couple more sport drinks as everyone starts talking about their jobs as junior executives. As he packs up, they all discuss the P/E of various stocks in their individual portfolios. With but a slight limp, he heads towards his car -- triumphant.
Budget: Everything will be shot with super-high-speed film so probably a cool 6 million. We'll just put a mustache on the kid that plays the defender to age him. This will run during the NBA finals too, so, like, double that.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Ad for Blood Services
Motivation: Everyone hates needles, but everyone loves vampires.
Ad: Standard give blood commercial at first, showing people who are like "Thanks for the blood! It saved my life!" And just when the viewer is so bored that they're about to go and serach ebay for a Tivo, a vampire comes on the screen. In his hilarious voice (think Count Chocula) he says "I'd be skin and bones without your blood blood blood! Now I'm so healthy I can almost see my reflection!" We then cut to a doctor who says, "Please, give this gift of blood." Then the vampire walks on and says "It's just a needle, people, and it hurts a lot less than this!" He then sinks his fangs into the neck of the doctor and both of them give a freeze-frame thumbs-up.
Budget: I'm not sure how much blood costs, I'll look into that. There are probably a lot of out of work vampires, though.
Ad: Standard give blood commercial at first, showing people who are like "Thanks for the blood! It saved my life!" And just when the viewer is so bored that they're about to go and serach ebay for a Tivo, a vampire comes on the screen. In his hilarious voice (think Count Chocula) he says "I'd be skin and bones without your blood blood blood! Now I'm so healthy I can almost see my reflection!" We then cut to a doctor who says, "Please, give this gift of blood." Then the vampire walks on and says "It's just a needle, people, and it hurts a lot less than this!" He then sinks his fangs into the neck of the doctor and both of them give a freeze-frame thumbs-up.
Budget: I'm not sure how much blood costs, I'll look into that. There are probably a lot of out of work vampires, though.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Ad for Batteries
Motivation: Batteries give us power and we'd probably be screwed with out them.
Ad: A little kid has just been given a pacemaker. The doctors warn him that, since batteries don't exist, he'll have to use an extension cord for the rest of his life. For a while things are great we see him running and playing with a giant bundle of cords unspooling as he tears around. The audience is probably all like, "Aw, things aren't so bad!" Then we see him run towards the swing set. hard cut to his body, shot from behind, swinging in the rain. His mother, half lit, screaming and crying in front of his lifeless body. Close with card: "Batteries: we need 'em"
Budget: Only 50 big ones if we can get a child actor with an extension cord pacemaker.
Ad: A little kid has just been given a pacemaker. The doctors warn him that, since batteries don't exist, he'll have to use an extension cord for the rest of his life. For a while things are great we see him running and playing with a giant bundle of cords unspooling as he tears around. The audience is probably all like, "Aw, things aren't so bad!" Then we see him run towards the swing set. hard cut to his body, shot from behind, swinging in the rain. His mother, half lit, screaming and crying in front of his lifeless body. Close with card: "Batteries: we need 'em"
Budget: Only 50 big ones if we can get a child actor with an extension cord pacemaker.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Ad for Milk
Motivation: Milk is good for you.
Ad: Black and white shots of a fascist society, with sad opera music as the background track. Streets filled with women and children lined up outside in the cold. At the front of the line is a formation of military guards standing at attention. In front of them an officer hands out cartons of milk to the waiting masses. A child, desperate for a drink, runs to the front of the line and grabs a carton. As the child runs away, he opens the milk and begins to drink it as the milk runs down his chin. A soldier quickly gives chase and strikes the child down. Scene of milk spilling out of the carton onto the street, colour fades in, a stream of blood connects with the spilled milk… Cut to text “Got Milk?”
Budget: This is an artistic statement on society, so it is not about the money.Friday, February 16, 2007
Ad for Online Shopping
Motivation: People like to buy junk and stuff online.
Ad: A group of youth walk into a mall. A voice over with a surfer attitude is like “Dudes, you aren’t going to the mall are you?” The teens answer, “Yes!” The voice over is all like “The mall that is so lame! Haven’t you guys heard of the Internet? It is totally bitchen!” Then cut to one of the kids, having become severely overweight with a pit stained undershirt, surfing the web in a dark room. Text reads “Be Radical! Shop online!”
Budget: Priceless (think of the children)Ad for Chocolate Bar
Motivation: Chocolate Bars are delicous, in case you've forgotten.
Ad: Open with card that reads "8,023 AD." Voiceover says "8,023, 6,000 years after the Chocolate Bar was banned by The Institution, a band of rebels still fights, each one willing to die to liberate the taste buds of the Earth. Now, they fight their most important battle of all." It's this crazy distopian future, everything seems to be made out of old grey concrete and twisted metal and then some skulls. And we show like this group of rebels climbing over a hill to destroy The Institution's evil lab base thing. It's a crazy battle, The Insitution has all these robots and shit, and they're just mowing down the rebels and the rebels are screaming things like "We've lost contact with both Crunchy and Chewy platoons, sir!" The leader, who has an eye patch and this huge gun, is like "They will not have died in vain! Come men, we need quick energy!" and then they eat king sized mars bars or something. Anyway, they storm the base and are killing all the doctors and scientists inside and they get to this giant time machine thing and set it for 2007. And this greasy fat guy who's part of the team gets in and the hot rebel chick kisses him, and Dr. Eyepatch says "Tell them, tell the world! Corn syrup is the cure!" And Slobbo teleports away just as the guards break in and kill the remaining rebels. Cut to card: "The End?"
Budget: The script is about 30 minutes long, so whatever Lord of the Rings costs divided by six.
Ad: Open with card that reads "8,023 AD." Voiceover says "8,023, 6,000 years after the Chocolate Bar was banned by The Institution, a band of rebels still fights, each one willing to die to liberate the taste buds of the Earth. Now, they fight their most important battle of all." It's this crazy distopian future, everything seems to be made out of old grey concrete and twisted metal and then some skulls. And we show like this group of rebels climbing over a hill to destroy The Institution's evil lab base thing. It's a crazy battle, The Insitution has all these robots and shit, and they're just mowing down the rebels and the rebels are screaming things like "We've lost contact with both Crunchy and Chewy platoons, sir!" The leader, who has an eye patch and this huge gun, is like "They will not have died in vain! Come men, we need quick energy!" and then they eat king sized mars bars or something. Anyway, they storm the base and are killing all the doctors and scientists inside and they get to this giant time machine thing and set it for 2007. And this greasy fat guy who's part of the team gets in and the hot rebel chick kisses him, and Dr. Eyepatch says "Tell them, tell the world! Corn syrup is the cure!" And Slobbo teleports away just as the guards break in and kill the remaining rebels. Cut to card: "The End?"
Budget: The script is about 30 minutes long, so whatever Lord of the Rings costs divided by six.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Ad for Mustard
Motivation: Mustard, when was the last time you had some of that yellow soggy gold?
Ad: To show that mustard is a universal sauce (not limited to hamburgers, hotdogs, and sandwiches), new and exciting ways of using mustard need to be demonstrated. The scene is a crowded club filled with young people. A man approaches the busy bar and asks for a Martini. The bartender quickly shoots back with “how would you like it served?” The customer replies “with mustard... That’s right, mustard.” The bartender, with a look of confusion on his face, pours a glass full of mustard, vodka, and vermouth. After paying for the drink, the man takes a huge swig and proceeds to violently vomit on an unsuspecting woman standing next to him.
Ad for Breakfast Cereal
Motivation: Kids like to have fun when they eat. Why not let them eat healthy, have fun, and learn!
Ad: Three young children run into a kitchen yelling and laughing. They grab a box of cereal and some milk. They each pour themselves a bowl and take a bite. All of a sudden, cartoon representations of Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hernán Cortés surround the children. The kids’ new funny friends tell them stories about conquering, murder, and awesome ways to do all sorts of fun stuff! (Note: eating the breakfast cereal will not actually cause the historical figures to appear. The information and facts will be printed on the box).
Budget: $200,000 for the child actors and the voice actors for the cartoon figures. Ideally, the voices of Snap, Crackle, and Pop would be used.Ad For Incredible Frying Pan
Motivation: People probably need another frying pan already.
Ad: A woman is trying to cook eggs in a regular frying pan and it totally blows. We should watch her try to cook the eggs for like a month or something, using time elapse photography, the sun just burning into a fiery arc outside her window. Eventually she just explodes into dust like she touched the Ten Commandments (in Indiana Jones). Voice over: "Has that ever happened to you?" Cut to a mall full of old people all cheering "YES!" "Well then you need a whole new frying pan!" Old people should cheer "Hooray!" and toss their canes into the air. Show a picture of the frying pan, and scene.
Budget: Shit man, like $40.
Ad: A woman is trying to cook eggs in a regular frying pan and it totally blows. We should watch her try to cook the eggs for like a month or something, using time elapse photography, the sun just burning into a fiery arc outside her window. Eventually she just explodes into dust like she touched the Ten Commandments (in Indiana Jones). Voice over: "Has that ever happened to you?" Cut to a mall full of old people all cheering "YES!" "Well then you need a whole new frying pan!" Old people should cheer "Hooray!" and toss their canes into the air. Show a picture of the frying pan, and scene.
Budget: Shit man, like $40.
An Ad for Alarm Systems
Motivation: We can’t deny it; sooner or later we will be overtaken by robots and/or cyborgs. If you care about your family, you will need to be prepared.
Ad: A father and son are playing a game of catch in the backyard on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Dad winds up for a long one and tells his son to start running, “Go long Chip!” As the boy runs to the end of the yard and near the bushes surrounding the yard, a large robot (1950’s style with arms waiving) emerges from the vegetation. Before the son realizes what is happening the robot pierces the boy, with a rather large spike, and proceeds to rip him in half. Pan to the father screaming, and then a hard cut to some text asking: “Do you have a Robot Alarm System? Protect your family from the uncertain evils of the future.”
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
An Ad for Life Insurance
Motivation: People need to buy life insurance or they'll get fucked, man.
Ad: a guy wakes up from a coma, in a really ritzy hospital. It turns out he was knocked out when he tipped back his office chair too far, trying to get the last drop of coffee in a mug. Anyway, he now owes the hospital like $800,000 dollars, because he was uninsured. He's all like "How can I afford that? I can't afford that!" and the doctors are just smirking. Hard cut to the centre of a fighting arena deep beneath the hospital when he and a test chimp are forced to battle with dull scapels while the doctors scream at them from the side lines.
Budget: $100,000 (shot of office can probably be done without CG, chimp can be made with a sock puppet)
Ad: a guy wakes up from a coma, in a really ritzy hospital. It turns out he was knocked out when he tipped back his office chair too far, trying to get the last drop of coffee in a mug. Anyway, he now owes the hospital like $800,000 dollars, because he was uninsured. He's all like "How can I afford that? I can't afford that!" and the doctors are just smirking. Hard cut to the centre of a fighting arena deep beneath the hospital when he and a test chimp are forced to battle with dull scapels while the doctors scream at them from the side lines.
Budget: $100,000 (shot of office can probably be done without CG, chimp can be made with a sock puppet)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)