Ad for Quicksand

Motivation: Everyone knows about quicksand, but has anyone ever tried to buy that shit?

Ad: This one is probably best served with some kind of pitchman. I'm thinking like a really gay booking agent from pittsburgh who is known for his expertise in carpentry (not needed for the ad, per se, but important for how he gets into character. Look, it's my call, I'm the director here). Anyway, he's all like "Quicksand you know you love it, but you'll need to need it!" And it should show a montage of people loving quicksand, like using it to dispose of trash, or riding on it with a surfboard, or wearing an explorer's uniform, struggling to stay alive, reaching for a vine placed just out of grasp.

Budget: If we buy the rights to Spiderman 3, we can probably just splice together clips of that sand monster and actors we find at the mall.