Ad for a Church

Motivation: Church is pretty dull but the alternative (H-E-YOU KNOW WHAT) is way worse. Apparently.

Ad: Open on a family at breakfast. The father is reading a paper labeled The Secular Times -- it's like the New York Times, only like everything is really secular. Like Marmaduke is a evolutionary biologist and the Family Circus characters are Unitarian. Anyway, the dad is reading this paper and his son is like "Hey dad, at school they are saying that kids that don't want to don't have to say the Lord's Prayer." And Dad just ignores him because the kid was an accident, like born out of wedlock (premarital sex). Anyway, the dad leaves to go to work and his next door neighbor, is like "Hey neighbor, didn't see you at church last week!" and the father is like "Sorry Ted, I realized i'd prefer not to spend my Sundays bored and then, later, eating donuts and drinking coffee with people I don't like." He laughs and drives away. He lives out the rest of his life without incident. He dies surrounded by loving family and a statue is erected downtown in his honor (he helped build a library). Years later, cut to hell. The father is burning and being raped by a demon while Ted and his family laugh and cheer from heaven.

Budget: $200,000 if hell is made from paper mache and the devil is just a guy we get from knocking on the side of a stall in a truck stop men's room.